Breaking Free from External Validation: How to Feel Joy Without Needing Something Else
TLDR - Our world is built on the belief that we need something external to feel good—whether it’s a gift to enjoy a birthday, recognition to feel accomplished, or dessert to complete a meal. But what if we didn’t need anything external to experience joy? We have the ability to create our own positive emotions and live a fulfilled life without relying on external validation.
Introduction: Why Do We Need Something to Feel Something?
Have you ever noticed that most of life seems centered around needing something to feel something? We often believe that certain external factors are necessary for us to feel joy, success, or fulfillment. Think about it:
Birthdays: You may feel like you need a gift or a party to have a great birthday.
Work: You might believe that you need recognition or praise to truly enjoy a job well done.
Meals: You may feel like you need dessert to make a good meal complete.
Relationships: You might think you need constant validation from others to feel loved or worthy.
The list goes on. Our entire world is built on the concept that external things—be it gifts, recognition, food, or approval—are required for us to feel happiness, love, or success. But here’s the truth: You don’t need anything external to feel good. You have the ability to channel positive emotions from within and experience joy in any moment, without relying on outside validation.
Why Do We Rely on External Validation for Feelings?
We've been conditioned to believe that our emotions are tied to external events and outcomes. From a young age, we're taught to associate positive feelings with specific results. Our subconscious stores these experiences, along with the external stimuli, as emotional imprints. When we encounter similar situations in the future, those past emotions are triggered, leading us to feel similar emotions again.
Birthdays are fun because you get presents.
Success feels good when others acknowledge your hard work.
A meal is satisfying when it ends with a treat.
These associations are deeply ingrained in our subconscious, reinforced by societal norms, marketing, and even our upbringing. Over time, we come to believe that without these external factors, we can’t fully experience the emotions we desire. It’s as though we hand over the power to feel good to the world around us.
But why do we need something else to feel something? Why do we believe that joy, satisfaction, and love are only available to us if we have something external to validate them?
What If We Could Generate Positive Feelings Without External Triggers?
Imagine waking up and feeling that today is the best day ever, not because of what’s happening, but because you decide it is. What if you could feel proud of your accomplishments, even if no one else noticed? What if you could love yourself without needing validation from others?
The reality is: We can. We have the ability to generate positive emotions from within, independent of external circumstances. When we realize this, we unlock a powerful sense of freedom.
Here’s how we can do it:
1. Determine What Is Great About the Current Moment
One of the most effective ways to feel good without needing something external is to focus on what is already great about the present moment. Instead of waiting for a gift or recognition, find reasons to appreciate right now.
Gratitude Practice: Look around you. What are you grateful for in this exact moment? It could be something as simple as the warmth of the sun, the sound of birds, or the comfort of your home.
Appreciate Small Wins: You don’t need a big event to celebrate. Is the weather great today? Did you get through a tough task at work? These small victories deserve recognition, and you can choose to feel good about them.
2. Tap into the Subconscious
The subconscious mind is incredibly powerful, storing your beliefs, emotions, and habits, often operating without your conscious awareness. Many of the patterns that make us seek external validation are deeply rooted in the subconscious. By tapping into it, you can begin to shift these beliefs and take control of your emotional state. I recommend using my meditations to help guide this process.
3. Channel Positive Emotions and Stamp Them into the Current Moment
Once you’ve tapped into the present moment and your subconscious, the next step is to actively channel positive emotions. This means intentionally generating feelings of joy, love, gratitude, and satisfaction—and associating them with the present moment.
Practice Joy on Demand: Start by consciously deciding to feel positive emotions without waiting for something external to trigger them. You can do this through mindfulness exercises, where you sit quietly and focus on feelings of love or happiness. Imagine what those emotions feel like, and invite them into the moment.
Anchor Emotions to the Present: Each time you experience a moment of joy, pride, or gratitude, mentally stamp that feeling onto the current moment. This creates a mental association between the positive emotion and the moment itself, not the external circumstances.
By regularly practicing this, you start to realize that positive emotions are within your control. You don’t need a gift, praise, or approval to feel good—you can generate these feelings at any time. My guided meditations will explain this in more detail.
Shifting Your Mindset: Living a Positive Future Now
What if you didn’t have to wait for the "right" circumstances to feel great? What if you could tap into positive emotions today, regardless of what’s going on in your external world? By shifting your mindset and realizing that happiness and fulfillment are within your control, you can live a more positive, empowered life.
Today Can Be the Best Day Ever: You don’t need a specific reason to feel this way. Simply decide that today is a great day, and actively look for things to be grateful for.
Celebrate Your Own Wins: Don’t wait for others to recognize your accomplishments. Take pride in what you’ve done, even if it’s small. The satisfaction comes from within.
Love Without Conditions: Love yourself and your life without needing validation from others. When you cultivate this self-love, you no longer rely on external sources to feel worthy.
Keep in mind that there are physical components to this. If you aren't supporting my foundational recommendations and your body isn't producing neurotransmitters properly, channeling positive emotions will be nearly impossible. The mental aspect of positivity is always connected to the physical, and both need to be supported.
Reflecting Thoughts
What external triggers do you rely on for positive emotions? Reflect on the areas of your life where you feel dependent on external factors for happiness. Could you find ways to feel good without these triggers?
How can you start feeling joy in the present moment? Focus on what’s great about right now. Practice gratitude, reprogram your subconscious, and intentionally channel positive emotions into your day-to-day life.